Bolas de Coco

Hi. It's me again.
(well duh, but...)
It's atleast the second day in the row when it has been really pretty outside. I love this time of the year. Even though you almost get blind when you look at the mixture of snow and the sun shining on it. I think I'm starting to feel a little better. We have something like 25 500 days, so why waste it.. (please don't nagg if the day amount is really wrong.. I'm just human).
Talking about human. It's funny how people in different positions are allowed to make different amount of mistakes. I mean this in a deep way. People are always critisising politics. I too belong to the people who say they are useless, but really. Would be be any better if we run for president or something less major. When they make mistakes, it's easy for us to call them names ect. But now that I think about it, I'm not sure would I be any better. Yes, a man I could mention in a powerfull country has made lots of stupid mistakes, and I hope his follower will be wiser, but REALLY. I don't think I would be really very much better. Maybe. I have lots of good intetions though. OH well. or any lid

My familylife, actually any social life isn't really going so well right now. My Dad is forcing me to do something against my will. It annoyis me that he doesn't respect my oppinions at all, in that issue. And the stupid is that I'm such a good daughter that I do what he says. Sigh. This is why I don't necessarily want kids... Maybe if in the future they pass teenage, I don't know. Somehow I also find it hard to say nice things at home. I just go to my room and "gollum there" (= do my own things in darkness). And my granny, whom I live with has been really sick... and it made me feel really scared and I just crack in a psychological way and start being even more introvertical. Usually music helps, reading helps, praying helps, crying helps for a while, talking doesn't. Oh! And shopping does help! Today our patient was feeling better and sent me to buy something nice so I did as she said and bought:

3 mars -chocolate bars
2 twix --" --
novelle friss peach mineral water<3
ice cream
easter chocolate eggs
a big cake
two small cakes
ect.

(I have already written this next parts 2 @3€67${@@[[!!!! times, but the computer keeps deleting it..!)

I had borrowed the Bridget Jones Diary, from the Library. I read it yesterday, even though I was feeling really ill. It was fun for a moment, but then I started thinking. Could it be, that there is more to life, than trying to loose weight, count cigarettes, alcohol and chasing men?? Anyway. I'm returning it after the holiday.


Aurevoir.

Don't start your day with chocolate!

Lazyness my curse, lazyness my sin...
It's beautiful outside, it's a "none school day". I'd actually want to go outside, but I'm so lazy. It'seasy for me to open the Windows but not to go out. I'm almost like the crippeld boy from the book, the secret garden.. Well, do you know what I think.. It's all Bill Gates fault.

I'm going to make my self usefull now

Low-key people

You know, sometimes you just loose it. I think high school students are not supposed to loose it, we're supposed to find it. My life does go on as usual but somehow I feel like I've remained somewhere. I should consentrate on one day, but my thoughts keep drifting arround the future. Seeking answers to things one can only know if you experience them.

I have two personalities. Unfortunately my introvertic side keeps on popping up in socially demanding situations. It kind of makes me feel useles.

I feel sad and my head is itchy and scratchy.

I'm afraid to stand up. I might pee in my pants

I don't have anything to write about. I've started writing poems though. Is this what its like to be a grown up?

I'm different. Just like everybody ealse

Talk about ironic..
I had planned, that I'd study the previous weekend, but oohh no. It was a weekend I was destinied to be sick. OH well. I stayed in school until one o´clock. It was really hard for me to decide whether to go or not, but when my head started feeling soar and I started seing colours in my head I thought it would be fair enough to leave. I was a good student and stayed for the swedish vocabulary test. Next time i should probably study the words from the right text. I hope the teacher wont get mad, because i wrote something like: "yes I know I should read more". It was mainly ment for my friend who had to check the right(read: wrong) answers.. She had written on her paper the one word that makes me laugh every time: FAIL. I tried to think clearly and marked the test and went of. Feeling like I had a hangover.

I used to nag about people not caring, but Its a lie. Okey yes, usually people pretend to care, but they actually think of their benefits. But I think there are still some non corrupted people.

Its really funny how time goes by. I remember when I came to visit my school the first time. It was really scary to look at the highschool students. Today the careers counsellor introdused us to a girl who had come to see the school. It was weird.

Today a lovely person gave me a Homer figure. To me that symbolises everything nice. It made my day. Now I need to continue my tragic life and fight against my destiny (=do my homework).

Hi

I've been away for so long, that I didn't even remember the right password ect. at first. SAD!
Where have I been? Well.. you could say I've been in rehab. Not because of drugs... more because of computer. I went to study and also to consentrate on myself.. i think. And when the exchangestudent was here, I couldn't go to the computer.. I spent many cold nights shivering and saying repeating the same words with a horrible commitment: blogspot, blogspot, blogspot. I need to go online, I cried.. Ok enough of the drama. I'm happy that I'm cured. So can I go to Dr. Phil now? OK OK I admitt.. a little overrated..
Oprah maybe?

We are making a musical at school. Its kind of funny, because our school has this funny reputation.. They say there are only nerds here, but I guess this year more artistic (read: stupid) people got in. NO really just kidding about the stupidity, but I was suprised that it could work out.. Yes I'm in it aswell. Sorry I cant give you any information yet, because its really like a secret. (yeah.. right..)

Its late and I have a fever, so lets get this overwith. My life right now:
1. Still waiting for the answer of the jobapplication. (ok actually of the 12 applications)
2. I wish I'd stop being driftwood and knew what I want to do in my life
3. I dont hate my life though
4. I've started reading books again.. just for fun!
5. I learnt that credit cards are too dangerous. I bought 3 dvd:s--> 35.90e X/. Well atleast I have HAIRSPRAY<3
6. I love music even more... especially music classes in school and I finally started to understand the theory of the guitar and base and I also know how to play both.. a little. I need to get a guitar.
7. I'm going to start running for 15 min. per day
8. I like the foo fighters
9. I don't like England so much anymore. (9.1 I watched Babel and there was this bithchy old man. 9.2 I've watched too many crime series 9.3 I read the news about the orphanage) I love the accent though.
10. I'd like go for exchange.. maybe australia. MAYBE, but too expencive. (i bet I cost more here though)

Prego! there you goh.

fan-bloody-tastic

I actually. I actually made the speech! Somehow its like those minutes of my life just went by without me. I cant really remember what happened. I remember seeing the teachers face. Then I remember one boys face. I remember the look on the teachers face and I couldnt understand what it meant.. There was this really nice person, whom I dont know, and she was just smiling all the time! It was so.. it made me feel calm. I couldnt react to it because I was so "frozen". Anyway, in some parts, people actually laughed.. Hmm.. Maybe I could get used to this. But I'm overwhelmed that its over now. Those 3 weeks of toture and exitement were enough for now.
Lately I've come to so many situations where I need to make big decisions. I've always been kind of a fencesitter in making decisions, but I'm making progress. Its funny how I always need to learn by the harder way, from my mistakes.
Important things that have need major action:
a) Need to move on with life and not self piti myself. No more worrying about "the oposite sex" -matters.
b) I decided to change my schedule, so that I'll do my highschool in 3.5 years. I'm sure its better that way.
c) WE ARE TAKING A FREANCH EXCHANGE STUDENT for 11 days. And next year-- TO FRANCE. VIVE LA FRANCE (I guess?). I pray she wont be too snobby.. I'd like to get along with her.
Yeah. Thats allbout it..
Today I had this mediocre feeling. I fealt like I'll never be anything. I was telling my friend how I'll just be picking up peoples trash when I grow up.. She said that they are really important people, but that didn't really make me feel better. Again I was grumpy when I got home, but escaped to the library. The place always makes me happy. I don't know why. There I also got a hint. A vision. A what-ever-you-want-to-call-it. I think I'll study Chemistry if the whole medicine thing wont work out. Then I might become a engineer. That profission that even hearing of it used to make me sick. Funny how people change.

Or maybe its just that we remember and get to know new stuff about ourselves.



p.s. MY FRIEND BROUGHT ME THIS GORGEOUS NECKLACE FROM INDIA! I think I'll never take it off.