fancy muscels

I was watching TV and I saw this reality tv programme where people were trying to get on top of a mountain in South-America. Then I saw that one of them was on a wheelchair. Then I noticed (slow? maybe.) that they were all.. (I know that tere is a more polite word. I don't want to be rude or offend anyone) disabeled. They all were there to test their limits and like.. try their best. I don't know were they trying to show themselves, and talking about others, that they are normal. That's what we all do right? Nobody wants to be judged just because of ones weeknesses. One woman was having a dinner with her husband, and then a motorcyclist drove over her.. taking her leg and her husband. She was just 19. The man in a wheelchair,had polio as a child.. and people had called him a black monkey, because sometimes he had to croll to get somewhere... I just cried. I cried because they were so strong and sure. They wanted to stay as a team and go to their goal. Not looking at what they don't have.. but what they have. God, I wish I were so determined and strong.

(Yes. It is a reality TV. Their job is to dramatise, but...)

i'm not going to write you a lovesong

I watched the music tv in a long time and I saw this video from Sara Brailles (?). It was kind of simple but so pretty. I've kind of tried composing. It wasn't as hard as I had thought. Ecpesially writing lyrics is ""easy"". But my melodies aren't catchy. Ok I'm not trying to be famous, so it doesn't matter. I wish I had someone to help me. I know this amazing singer person who sayed she has melodies in her head, but she's movin away soon... I wan't to continue though. I mean it's not supposed to work straight away. And I've noticed that I need different moods to get inspiration. For lyrics. Melody.. Oh well. This time I won't give up.
i think.

8 days until:
"A foggy day, in London TOWWn"

Yes I kind of could laughed at it.

Recently, I've been constantly hungry. Like all the time. I'm not pregnant, I assure you.. I'm just sick of being hungry all the time. It gets old. Really sad.
I'm going to London in... 9 days.. I just don't feel as enthusiastic as I should. I remember praising England and London here sometime, but I just don't know. I'm really happy and eager and all that... Don't know. Once again I don't know what I'm supposed to feel and I somehow find it really hard to just wait and find out. HARR. Well.. I need to stop mourning. I need to count my blessings.
I've started to write on my diary again. I've never been good at it. I might start and then drop it. It's kind of a pitty.. But It's never too late.
High expectations, man. It's so easy to expect something from the others and then get hurt, because they aren't perfect. Or maybe its because you're just reflecting yourself on them.. Blah. Ok. I really need to count my blessings now.

I'm useless v__v

I WAS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN MY ROOM.. and now it's even worse.
I really need to renew my rooms look. It's really.. ah.
GREAT. I feel miserable again.
BULLOCKS.
Maybe I can laugh at this tomorrow.

futile couch.

HAHAA. More honours. No I'm not dying.. and no I'm not going through a AA- recovery program. I just want to.. I don't know. Anyway. First it was emperor now its you. Hm. I really find it hard to say it in words. Even though I don't hear from you that often anymore you are like my soulmate or something. I couldn't imagine life without my favourite furniture. so you're not futile to me. Phihi. I'm really really happy to have a friend like you and if it's up to me, you'll never get rid of me. aHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hmm is there anything ealse mushy I could say. YEs. Thank you for being there. Thank you for always making me feel like I'm worth something, even though i'm silly. Thank you. HAAAVE A NICEEE DAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Love

emperor ropi.

Hi. I just want to thank you. Why? Because of listening and actually showing it with the comments!! YESs. Its obviosly what people do to other peoples blogs, but it just feel that you care. Even if you don't.. well then let me believe it. LOL. I hate it when I talk to people and they don't listen. Geez people can be busy but.. I don't know. Thanks anyway. If you'll read I'll write.
Yesterday I was really sad in the evening. When I get sad (in the evenings) I start to be really masochistic. I stay up as late as possible even though I know I'll have a staying up late- hang over the next day. Haha. Well. Luckily today was an awesome day. I've really learnt something. When you have a bad experience.. You can actually look back and just.. feel really good about it later. Its just life.

politics and anger management

Today I payed attention to the news. It's almost scary how nothing suprises me anymore. A woman from WHO was pleading for people to pay attention to the crisis going on in the world. Hunger. Somehow I just don't understand why people are dying of hunger and we "rich" people are sitting and wondering what we could do. Sometimes I just see politics as people with expencive suits and boring hairdoos sitting arround a table talking. Talking about how they can save the world and still get money or atleast benefit from it. I mean why is it so hard to help? Why do we always need to talk. I mean there wouldn't be the Europe of today if it weren't for the riches of the thirld world countries. But ofcourse I'm just a high school student full of angst.
I really have a problem with anger. Even though I try.. I tend to keep everything inside myself. There aren't so many people I can trust my thoughts to. My honest thoughts.. Sometimes I just explode. Small stuff make me so pissed.. I don't even know why. I have the Hulk disorder. But I explode inside and then hurt other people by being kind of rude. Not in a major way, but enough. Sigh. Yes maybe it has something to do with my teens, but oh what the heck.
All my life I've been scared of people who want to like.. Own you. Only be with you. They hold on to you. But now I'm afraid I'm started to be pushy. I'm not sure. I really miss this person. One evening I just layed on my bed thinkin what if that person finally has had enough of me becouse I'm always there. That wouldn't be fair, but what is.

A fresh start

I've really been away for a long time. It's almost rediculous. I was sure I would stop, but I can't keep everything in my head. I looked at my previous texts and kind of laughed.. I remember when I wrote them that I had this feeling, that I really am saying something important. Revolutional maybe. Honestly. I sayed many things, but they really are pointless. Maybe. I really don't know. I had a really hard time then. Maybe these thoughts have been thought out loud many times in history, but I still will think and pretend I thought it up. Many things have happened during these months and I kind of would like to move on, so that's why this is a fresh start. I even changed the layot or what ever...