Wings, big men and lots of light

Do you believe in angels?
I accidently found a book, where people tell miracle stories about angels saving them. It all seemed distant. Today I remembered something that made me laugh. To be honest, I don't know why I laughed, but I remember naming my guardian angel 'Sini' It means something like 'Blue--'. Sometimes when I was small, well, a long time ago I talked to her. My lovely imaginary (?) friend.
But today I remembered something that has been "bothering" my mind since. It must have been more than ten years since it happened. I was lying on my bed, in the dark, but couldn't get any sleep. I think I was afraid of the dark. Then I looked at the door and saw somebody standing at the door. The 'thing' was like a really tall man with a white robe. I couldn't see he's face. But I could tell that he (?) was looking at me. I was horrified. I remember going under my bedcover.. I was there for a long time.. long enough to get enough courage to look again, but the stranger was gone.. I was so angry at myself for not talking to him.. or her..
You know it's kind of weird. I must have been a devil child since I couldn't look at something good...
Then one other insidence. We went to the capital, Helsinki with our school. Our school was small, so we all could go. At that time I hardly knew the place. We had freetime so two friends and I hed out to the wild. We were such feeling.. ok I WAS FEELING so cosmopolitan. I felt so wild and free... until we got lost. We got lost right in the centre. We were in a hurry. We almost paniced. We had to ask for help.. But no one was arround. No one seemed to care. The horror. The horror. But then this woman appeared. I just had to try and ask her. So she just showed as where to go. I felt a little stupid since she made the way sound so easy. Atleast that's how I remember it. Relieved we started walking. I don't remember why.. did I forget to thank her or something, but I turned back to look at her, almost immedietaly, but she wasn't there. Anywhere. As you grow up. You are not allowed to use your immagination as wildly as you used to as a kid. She couldn't have jumped to any buss, because there weren't any busses on that road, nor cars. She couldn't have run behind any house or anywhere without us seeing. I mean I turned to look fast. My other friend also looked arround and couldn't understand what had happened...
So. Was I dreaming. Was the woman like the fastest runner ever. Who knows. It's up to you to decide I guess.



Picture from www.angel-guide.com

cynical apple-polishing

Ever sinve I read that Agatha Christies play (yes I read the play, not the novel) 'The mousetrap'.. I've been really paranoid about everyone. The next day I went to town and I was sure that everyone was trying to kill me. Sad isn't it. It's just that I usually trust everyone at first, maybe too much. As I was writing this there was a programme where some chimpanzees were fighting and then they all turned against one and then killed it and ate it. I almost died and puked.. yes at the same time.

I'm just really bored. I have so much time. I need homework. I need to feel useful. I feel stupid.

I read something that has really bothered me. Someone who was interviewed said that "the youth of today are not interested in changing the world, they want to live a peaceful life and have good jobs." I don't know. I guess there is nothing wrong with saving the world or just living peacefully. But I usually just keep calling myself a miserable git instead of really saying : YES WE CAN (Obama). So, I want to try. I've just this picture of myself being miserable.. Maybe I'm funny in the head and don't even know it.

Did I say that I entered to this competition.. You had to write an essay about changing the world or something like that.. more like development aid, rather than the global warming. The writers with the best texts will be interviewed and then some of them will win a study trip to Guatemala. It sounds a little corny, but I'd love to go.. Even though it might interfere with school. GAH. Well It's only a week or two.. ehh..

It's so hard to grow up when you have a Peter Pan-syndrome. Yes. Even girls can get it now.

It's wrong wrong wrong!!!

I need that some serious changes need to be made to the age limits on movies. When I went to HMV (shop with music/movies/electronics...) in London I was so suprised how age limits were much higher there and they wrote the reasons too! We bought this weird Eddie Murphy film (should have known better) and it was said that it was for people of all ages. Already in the beginning people were doing well, you know what, in a very.. not to be watched way. They could have warned us, man? I mean seriously. For people of all ages? Another movie.. But the atleast said that it's recommended that you should be atleast 8 to watch the movie. Uh huh.. Well the same thing happened. I don't think it's normal that a child or anyone gets used to watching violence and sex on a big screen... Second. Many times the age limit goes down if there is an adult watching the film with the child. Right. So if someones eye pops out, what can the parent do. "it's not real honey". Uh huh..

I lied. Again.

Sorry. I was supposed to write.
I couldn't.
Sometimes it just happens right.

I've not been having such a great time lately. But I promised myself not to complain. I mean. I just came from London. I was so bored today. I just fealt so heavy. I couldn't rise from my bed. I just looked at my roof and listened to goofy adverts without even caring.. I wont lie. I could have done something if I really wanted. Many times I feel like my life is really really really boring and phatetic. I'm not haning out with anybody.. and I'm just dreaming about someone. But why? I'm comparing myself to someone ealse. How could I? I mean. How can you compare two different lives. You can't compare two different shapes. A person could waste a whole life doing that you know. I'm afraid of hard times in my life. I'm sure I wont make it. But how can I have nice times if not bad times.
Wow. I really do have time to think about stuff. So did Sokrates and Platon, but they kind of did better. Maybe. (I've probably said that before)
That's all.

Hello luv.

I've been wondering. Where do I get all these weird titles and headlines from...
Anyway, I actually came on Monday evening, but I've not been fealing that good, so, I think that's the reason (read: excuse) why you guys haven't heard of me.

So, I really was in London. I still find it hard to believe. Somehow I just had built really high expectations of the town. I really have to admitt. The first three days were a dissapointment. Somehow. It fealt like it wasn't that magnificent afterall. And everyone was fighting all the time. I wished I could just catch the next plane and get home. But everybody deserves a second last chance, so after those days I started really getting a hang of the lifestyle and stuff. I won't be showing pictures of some famous places. I was there, believe it or not. But here are some really cool things that can't be found over here:

BUSY BUSY BUSYYYYY: Everyone seemed to be in a hurry. I don't know why. Once we got caught in the middle of a rush hour. It was frightening. I was waiting for my parents inside a tube station in Oxfordstreet. People started flowing in and they just kept coming. They just wouldn't stop coming. Everybody was fighting to fit in a tube. Then my parents got locked out. The station was too full. I freaked out. I was sure that there was a bomb ready to explode. Also for the first time I experienced a big city. Walking in the street was impossible sometimes, especially when you tried to watch over your stuff, since anyone could be a evil pickpocket person. People on the streets were so pretty and all ready to go to an business conference.. It made me feel so ugly. But it was ok since I belonged to the freaky turists-group.

(The owner of this booth at Springfield (?) market almost killed me (with her eyes) when she saw me taking a picture. I don't look like a cop... Maybe journalism is my future. I just got so exited, ´cause I did this report about Rastafaries and when I actually saw Haile Selassie I´s picture.. I just though "for once, I can actually say I learnt something in school and could use the info in real life. It made me feel so big.")

Notting Hill - Portobello road. Everybody was there on Saturday mornin'

There were people from so many cultures. You could hear many different languages. Nobody would stare at a ""foreign"" face. Also, I've never ever seen as many tourists in one place at the same time. Everyone was also so polite. They would always apologize for being on your way, even if it was my fault. GAH. I love how they say "sorry". It just has this lovely tone on it with that cockney accent.

RED BUSSES Double Deckers.. O__ O. They are soo cool man.!!!

When you sit in the second ""floor""" in the first seat, you feal like the buss is running over everytinhg. And the streets are so narrow. IT's SO... WICKED!

Anyway It's kind of late and I think I'll continue tomorrow.

See you later alligator!

Chuck Norris's time is the right time

I can't believe I'm going to London tomorrow. It has been my dream for so long. It's just that I thought I'd be more exited. Maybe I'm just too old. I mean I didn't like being in the amusementpark this year. Somehow I'm not feeling really very inspirational. I just came to say bye aaand I'll let you know about everything when I come back.. next Monday. EEEEHH! Wish me luck.

meow

I got mail today.. And It just made my day. I still feel the same way as yesterday night, wich is really strange!! I wrote down stuff I need to do and I'm going to do it today. Like a wise man said: "...stop whining, make a plan, check it and fulfil it. It is so simple". *walks arround for no reason**
Sorry. Nothing more to say for now.

Why can't I find myself

I really find it hard to make decisions. My friend wanted me to join myspace. But I just don't feel like it. If I'd go, it would only be because "everybody ealse" is there. Why is it so hard to just go your own way. For me it seems to be hard that is. One really wise lady told me that when I get older, I'll start to see that the world is a much bigger place that I thought, and its open for me too. Then I'll know that it's not that important what others think. Gawie. This is really much bigger than myspace, isn't it. You know what. For now. I'll not sign up! I want to try to be myself. Why do I still feel so insecure. I'm supposed to feel like a heroine right now... Hello? Glorious feeling??? I'm still waiting.
I really find it hard to try to go after my dreams. I always see famous people saying all you need to do is FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. All I say is : bullocks. I've also heard lots of: "You've got to stop dreaming and go for it". I want to learn German. But somehow.. I just sit down crying to myself how I suck at it, instead of doing something?! How stupid is that. This has got to stop. Life's too short for that kind of nonsence. I'll let you know how long I'll have this revolutionary thought. I wont.... fail.. I must.... keep... going.......

I guess there still is good in the world. i mean was.

I really love the series. Little house on the prairie. The series have only good in it. I cry in almost every episode. Almost. I wish they made eries like that today. But then I started to think. Ofcourse it's utopic. The Europeans in America must have had a really much harder time atfirst. i don't know. But the series are supposed to be for children anyway :).
The Lord really works in mysterious ways. I'm going to meet a friend tomorrow after "long time no see". And there is only one week until the travel (I'm starting to get exited), but I still feel a little empty and numb.. But then my brother came in with a letter. It was from aboard!! And it was from a friend who I hadn't heard from in ages. She replied to my letter! I was so happy. You should have seen my letter. it was just like those people who died because of Joker in the Jack Nicolsons version of Batman and Joker.
I really need to go to the library! I want to read Prince Caspian before seeing the movie. And I need to read the prairie books.
Eww. I smell like sweat.