Hi!
Many things have happened since I returned. I'm sorry that I've not been talking. I've been talkin in my head.. alot.. But I just didn't feel like I could type the words. I totally owe you guys a story from France, but... we'll see. By the way. Spacekake and Ropi. Thanks for your comments. They kind of made me feel really.. ha. jolly. No really.. We'll you know what I mean...
Lately I've gotten older. In my head. I've started to think alot. In away I'm lost, since in a way I'm a child, but on the otherhand I'm pretty much I decide things alone, make my onwn mistakes and take responsibility of my actions. It's kind of scary. Growing up that is. Lately I've really worried about what to study after high school. I've had trouble with study technics. I might be up at midnight studying and being stressed because there's not enough time, even though in the end I've done nothing useful.. I want to have a good job when I grow up. I don't want to be poor, but I want to do something I'll enjoy. I don't want to end up as a "those who can't do, teach" kind of a person. I also don't want to be a person who tells people how she USED to play in a band, but now she works in a stuffy office. Stuffy offices can be ok, if working their is your calling! Don't get me wrong.
Music. It's important for me. I know I don't have enough potential to be a full time musician but I want to play as an amature.. I want to play forever. I just hope I can consentrate on studying too. It's so funny. When I was in a conservatoire, I was sure I want to be a doctor and music is only a hobby. Now I take music seriously when it's a little too late. Maybe. I don't know.
I decided to play the flute.
I found a cheap (used) flute I could actually afford. I just hope things work out. I need to get an other job though.. Cause If I start taking lessons.. it means that I'll remain with NOTHING.
Sigh.. I just hope I'll know I'll end up in the right place.
I'd like to do something international.
*smiles. I rember this post I wrote like a year ago, where I said I want to be a doctor... but I also wanted to hepl abroad.. GAH. It's a nightmare.
My brain is full of thoughts and I also should consentrate on lessons and.. Oh well. This sounds really messy, but I'm happy. All this thinking makes me feel really lonely. I like being alone, but I boy, how I hate being lonely.. Anyway. All this mumbo JAMBO might seen full of angst and stuff, but actually I'm happy, since I've started to believe in dreams again.