I've been away for so long, that I didn't even remember the right password ect. at first. SAD!
Where have I been? Well.. you could say I've been in rehab. Not because of drugs... more because of computer. I went to study and also to consentrate on myself.. i think. And when the exchangestudent was here, I couldn't go to the computer.. I spent many cold nights shivering and saying repeating the same words with a horrible commitment: blogspot, blogspot, blogspot. I need to go online, I cried.. Ok enough of the drama. I'm happy that I'm cured. So can I go to Dr. Phil now? OK OK I admitt.. a little overrated..
Oprah maybe?
We are making a musical at school. Its kind of funny, because our school has this funny reputation.. They say there are only nerds here, but I guess this year more artistic (read: stupid) people got in. NO really just kidding about the stupidity, but I was suprised that it could work out.. Yes I'm in it aswell. Sorry I cant give you any information yet, because its really like a secret. (yeah.. right..)
Its late and I have a fever, so lets get this overwith. My life right now:
1. Still waiting for the answer of the jobapplication. (ok actually of the 12 applications)
2. I wish I'd stop being driftwood and knew what I want to do in my life
3. I dont hate my life though
4. I've started reading books again.. just for fun!
5. I learnt that credit cards are too dangerous. I bought 3 dvd:s--> 35.90e X/. Well atleast I have HAIRSPRAY<3
6. I love music even more... especially music classes in school and I finally started to understand the theory of the guitar and base and I also know how to play both.. a little. I need to get a guitar.
7. I'm going to start running for 15 min. per day
8. I like the foo fighters
9. I don't like England so much anymore. (9.1 I watched Babel and there was this bithchy old man. 9.2 I've watched too many crime series 9.3 I read the news about the orphanage) I love the accent though.
10. I'd like go for exchange.. maybe australia. MAYBE, but too expencive. (i bet I cost more here though)
Prego! there you goh.
24. helmikuuta 2008
25. tammikuuta 2008
fan-bloody-tastic
I actually. I actually made the speech! Somehow its like those minutes of my life just went by without me. I cant really remember what happened. I remember seeing the teachers face. Then I remember one boys face. I remember the look on the teachers face and I couldnt understand what it meant.. There was this really nice person, whom I dont know, and she was just smiling all the time! It was so.. it made me feel calm. I couldnt react to it because I was so "frozen". Anyway, in some parts, people actually laughed.. Hmm.. Maybe I could get used to this. But I'm overwhelmed that its over now. Those 3 weeks of toture and exitement were enough for now.
Lately I've come to so many situations where I need to make big decisions. I've always been kind of a fencesitter in making decisions, but I'm making progress. Its funny how I always need to learn by the harder way, from my mistakes.
Important things that have need major action:
a) Need to move on with life and not self piti myself. No more worrying about "the oposite sex" -matters.
b) I decided to change my schedule, so that I'll do my highschool in 3.5 years. I'm sure its better that way.
c) WE ARE TAKING A FREANCH EXCHANGE STUDENT for 11 days. And next year-- TO FRANCE. VIVE LA FRANCE (I guess?). I pray she wont be too snobby.. I'd like to get along with her.
Yeah. Thats allbout it..
Today I had this mediocre feeling. I fealt like I'll never be anything. I was telling my friend how I'll just be picking up peoples trash when I grow up.. She said that they are really important people, but that didn't really make me feel better. Again I was grumpy when I got home, but escaped to the library. The place always makes me happy. I don't know why. There I also got a hint. A vision. A what-ever-you-want-to-call-it. I think I'll study Chemistry if the whole medicine thing wont work out. Then I might become a engineer. That profission that even hearing of it used to make me sick. Funny how people change.
Or maybe its just that we remember and get to know new stuff about ourselves.
p.s. MY FRIEND BROUGHT ME THIS GORGEOUS NECKLACE FROM INDIA! I think I'll never take it off.
Lately I've come to so many situations where I need to make big decisions. I've always been kind of a fencesitter in making decisions, but I'm making progress. Its funny how I always need to learn by the harder way, from my mistakes.
Important things that have need major action:
a) Need to move on with life and not self piti myself. No more worrying about "the oposite sex" -matters.
b) I decided to change my schedule, so that I'll do my highschool in 3.5 years. I'm sure its better that way.
c) WE ARE TAKING A FREANCH EXCHANGE STUDENT for 11 days. And next year-- TO FRANCE. VIVE LA FRANCE (I guess?). I pray she wont be too snobby.. I'd like to get along with her.
Yeah. Thats allbout it..
Today I had this mediocre feeling. I fealt like I'll never be anything. I was telling my friend how I'll just be picking up peoples trash when I grow up.. She said that they are really important people, but that didn't really make me feel better. Again I was grumpy when I got home, but escaped to the library. The place always makes me happy. I don't know why. There I also got a hint. A vision. A what-ever-you-want-to-call-it. I think I'll study Chemistry if the whole medicine thing wont work out. Then I might become a engineer. That profission that even hearing of it used to make me sick. Funny how people change.
Or maybe its just that we remember and get to know new stuff about ourselves.
p.s. MY FRIEND BROUGHT ME THIS GORGEOUS NECKLACE FROM INDIA! I think I'll never take it off.
21. tammikuuta 2008
s.o.s
Im giving a small speach on Wednesday. Its kind of casual, because I'm just talking about a film.
When I started (high)school, I was really seriously introverted most of the times. Most lessons I was just praying the teacher wouldn't ask me anything. And then being mad at myself for not answering the questions in class. Often Finns say its ok because of the Finnish nature. I know, but what am I supposed to use as an excuse? Well, Now I'm over it, but as far as I can remember, talking infront of people has been hard for me. This year I've really tried to get over it. Yes I know, its not wrong to be shy, but like I didn't even want to look at a teacher, because he might have made me answer infront of the class. Ok I have to admitt, its kind of dorky, but like I said: I'm over THAT stage. My problem is just that its so hard for me to.. I dont know.. speak? I play the piano. I've preformed to many many people including many scary people (the teachers are a really sacry audience!), but it never fealt as bad as talking......
So I found this amazingly great book from my school. It has really given me courage!? Now I've gotten from "I don't want to talk"- to "I wan't to make the speach". I just have that annoying fealing of cold fingers and toes and shivering (=being nervous) often. I guess being nervous about it makes you focus and do your absolute best. I think its really hard in the beginning but I'll try my best. If it goes badly.... then it goes. Wish me luck. OH and all you who can just easily be yourself infront of others, be extremely happy!
I have to do something with myself. At home I act as I'm the onlyone with issues. Its just that.. I'm always happy in school, but when I come home a switch goes on and everything that has gone wrong seems to be my familys fault. Its horrible. And I also dont talk about myself that much so it seems so bad. AH. I need to work this out. HA I remember that this "thing" has a name in psychology. It's "projektio" in Finnish, but .. X/
Sometimes I find it annoying how my heart always gets in trouble. It's often broken, but I try to glue it together. After I finally got all the pieces together, somebody came and threw it away. I'm fed up with all the glue. Someday I'll just stop the pasting.
by ihatemymiserablelife, age 15
When I started (high)school, I was really seriously introverted most of the times. Most lessons I was just praying the teacher wouldn't ask me anything. And then being mad at myself for not answering the questions in class. Often Finns say its ok because of the Finnish nature. I know, but what am I supposed to use as an excuse? Well, Now I'm over it, but as far as I can remember, talking infront of people has been hard for me. This year I've really tried to get over it. Yes I know, its not wrong to be shy, but like I didn't even want to look at a teacher, because he might have made me answer infront of the class. Ok I have to admitt, its kind of dorky, but like I said: I'm over THAT stage. My problem is just that its so hard for me to.. I dont know.. speak? I play the piano. I've preformed to many many people including many scary people (the teachers are a really sacry audience!), but it never fealt as bad as talking......
So I found this amazingly great book from my school. It has really given me courage!? Now I've gotten from "I don't want to talk"- to "I wan't to make the speach". I just have that annoying fealing of cold fingers and toes and shivering (=being nervous) often. I guess being nervous about it makes you focus and do your absolute best. I think its really hard in the beginning but I'll try my best. If it goes badly.... then it goes. Wish me luck. OH and all you who can just easily be yourself infront of others, be extremely happy!
I have to do something with myself. At home I act as I'm the onlyone with issues. Its just that.. I'm always happy in school, but when I come home a switch goes on and everything that has gone wrong seems to be my familys fault. Its horrible. And I also dont talk about myself that much so it seems so bad. AH. I need to work this out. HA I remember that this "thing" has a name in psychology. It's "projektio" in Finnish, but .. X/
Sometimes I find it annoying how my heart always gets in trouble. It's often broken, but I try to glue it together. After I finally got all the pieces together, somebody came and threw it away. I'm fed up with all the glue. Someday I'll just stop the pasting.
by ihatemymiserablelife, age 15
20. tammikuuta 2008
Mmm.
It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like may
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to know the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
-Corinne Bailey Rae
[Till It Happens To You Lyrics on
http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]
19. tammikuuta 2008
scenes from a hat
Hey you guys! Its really been a long time since I've been here. I've forgotten what it's like to write here. I've actually lost my enthusiasm for computers. Can you believe it. No more messenger addiction. I almost feel empty now. I've been studying harder. Actually trying my best. But it also costs! I've never ever been as tired as I was last week. I told you about my new math teacher.. I guess that, on that first day he just wanted to show us who's the boss. Nowadays he's cool. I mean... well, in his own way I guess. (I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not scared of him anymore). ANYWAY I was really tired one morning when we had maths. I had just taken my calculator, as to count something meaningless, just to keep myself awake.. the next thing I remember was, I woke up.. with my calculator inmyhand and when I looked up.. the teacher was looking at me with this face.. omg.. that face.. it was like: "what the hell are you doing?" mixed with a laugh. Oh well.
I was also in the theatre. Ok it was for school, but I still went, didn't I? It was a play called seven brothers, by the national writer(?) Aleksis Kivi(=stone). What can I say.. well, I've never seen so many naked men in my life. I knew it was for eleven years and above, but I didnt realize thats what they were refering to. One funny thing was that I only laughed in parts where no one ealse did! I had to run to the busstop.. the play had gone overtime and I was luckily sitting next to the door. I was just waiting for the clapping to end. But it was just going on going on and going on. I almost fealt like crying out something like: YA OK YA. WE ALL KNOW ITS GOOD NOW.. PLEASE.... ah.. anyways. Finnish culture can be weird aaand I got the buss but I got sick..
I notised that something was wrong with my throat.. but as the days went on, it wasn't in my throat, it was my neck. I couldnt move my head without it being really painfull.. THEn the best part: There is a bump on my neck and now it even hurts to breathe. I could bee The Hunchneck of Tuomiokirkko-church. I went to a hospital.. (which is in a part of town where I used to live. I almost cried..) first you need to check to a nurse who decides are you enough worthy to see (the only) doctor or do you need to go to the nurse... Well the desk lady laughed at me when I said I had a painfull bump on my neck and sent me... TO THE nurse. It was a man called Pate. He sent me to a doctor near my home.. unfortunately the apointment is on monday so I've kind of been suffering the whole weekend.. Well Pate sent a letter to the doctor.. and there he needs to write whats wrong with the patient. Well in my paper there was reading: the patient has a lump on her neck. WELL THAT WILL MAKE THE DOCTOR TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I can imagine myself walking in the room.. Me: hi *limping because of pain* Doctor: whats up Quasi´ HAHAHAHA get it HAHAHA.. sorry.. so sit down................. Pate could have just written : handicap neck or something. That would have sounded better :D. SO I just hope I dont have canser. Which I dont :D and even if I did i'd just go and buy a gigant afro wig incase all my hair has to go because of the treatment. (chemotherapy?).. I'm kinda sad actually because I need to miss school in the morning and the exam week is coming. ( THE EXAM WEEK IS COMING!!!???) But what the heck. I can sleep longer.
p.s. I hope Im not sick on wednesday. I'm giving a speech in finnish class. I've been nervous about it for weeks. I've been planning it for weeks and I AM DOING IT !!! no LUUUMPPP will stop me.! YARR.. I was supposed to celebrate - getting through it -- by going to the movies, but since they have increased the price I think I'll just buy Ben&Jerry´s icecream <33 OR make pancakes as one wise young lady once adviced. (hahahaha)
I was also in the theatre. Ok it was for school, but I still went, didn't I? It was a play called seven brothers, by the national writer(?) Aleksis Kivi(=stone). What can I say.. well, I've never seen so many naked men in my life. I knew it was for eleven years and above, but I didnt realize thats what they were refering to. One funny thing was that I only laughed in parts where no one ealse did! I had to run to the busstop.. the play had gone overtime and I was luckily sitting next to the door. I was just waiting for the clapping to end. But it was just going on going on and going on. I almost fealt like crying out something like: YA OK YA. WE ALL KNOW ITS GOOD NOW.. PLEASE.... ah.. anyways. Finnish culture can be weird aaand I got the buss but I got sick..
I notised that something was wrong with my throat.. but as the days went on, it wasn't in my throat, it was my neck. I couldnt move my head without it being really painfull.. THEn the best part: There is a bump on my neck and now it even hurts to breathe. I could bee The Hunchneck of Tuomiokirkko-church. I went to a hospital.. (which is in a part of town where I used to live. I almost cried..) first you need to check to a nurse who decides are you enough worthy to see (the only) doctor or do you need to go to the nurse... Well the desk lady laughed at me when I said I had a painfull bump on my neck and sent me... TO THE nurse. It was a man called Pate. He sent me to a doctor near my home.. unfortunately the apointment is on monday so I've kind of been suffering the whole weekend.. Well Pate sent a letter to the doctor.. and there he needs to write whats wrong with the patient. Well in my paper there was reading: the patient has a lump on her neck. WELL THAT WILL MAKE THE DOCTOR TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I can imagine myself walking in the room.. Me: hi *limping because of pain* Doctor: whats up Quasi´ HAHAHAHA get it HAHAHA.. sorry.. so sit down................. Pate could have just written : handicap neck or something. That would have sounded better :D. SO I just hope I dont have canser. Which I dont :D and even if I did i'd just go and buy a gigant afro wig incase all my hair has to go because of the treatment. (chemotherapy?).. I'm kinda sad actually because I need to miss school in the morning and the exam week is coming. ( THE EXAM WEEK IS COMING!!!???) But what the heck. I can sleep longer.
p.s. I hope Im not sick on wednesday. I'm giving a speech in finnish class. I've been nervous about it for weeks. I've been planning it for weeks and I AM DOING IT !!! no LUUUMPPP will stop me.! YARR.. I was supposed to celebrate - getting through it -- by going to the movies, but since they have increased the price I think I'll just buy Ben&Jerry´s icecream <33 OR make pancakes as one wise young lady once adviced. (hahahaha)
11. tammikuuta 2008
Um... about what I wrote the other day.........
I think I'll take back what I said about being a doctor.
Because.
Well. I just said it because I'm a noob. (Well, that made things much clearer!!???) I mean that. I cant expect that everything comes easily. Nothing comes for free I guess.. I actually have lots to say but I'm soo busy right now. Please hang on.. I'll come comment your blogs sometimEEE! (hopely before judgement day)
Because.
Well. I just said it because I'm a noob. (Well, that made things much clearer!!???) I mean that. I cant expect that everything comes easily. Nothing comes for free I guess.. I actually have lots to say but I'm soo busy right now. Please hang on.. I'll come comment your blogs sometimEEE! (hopely before judgement day)
8. tammikuuta 2008
"when you wish upon a star"
I was supposed to conquer the world. See Europe by train. Move to a English speaking country. Now I'm even scared to move to Helsinki. I dont need to. I still have something like 2 years to think.. Yeah. Thinking. I've been doing it again. I'm kinda lost. I wish I knew what I'm supposed to do with my life. I need a hug.
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