I feel really bad. I'm such a bad child. Rarely when I get some housework to do, I do it with a grumpy mood and an ugly face. I never mean to be rude, but I'm just grumpy and tired. Being in my room, online, with the door shut, doesnt actually improve my state. I'm afraid that people I've hurt will become tired of being understanding or that when I get over this state of crisis, they will be gone. Overrating? Maybe. But what can you expect from a person who has never said "I love you".
One afternoon I was walking to the busstop. I heard a loud cry. As I came closer I saw where it had come from. A buss was about to leave and an old woman was shouting so that someone could make the bussdriver wait for her. She was pushing a cart and she walked like every step hurt her. She kept yelling. I looked around wondering why wasn't anyone doing anything. The bussdriver saw her through the mirror and he reversed enthusiasticly, I guess because he thought he was doing a good thing. He reversed in a too exited manner and managed to bump in to an other buss. It was caos. The two drivers were arguing trying to fix a broken part. The old lady was infront of the door, but it was too high for her and she started shouting for help again. "Could someone please help me. Please, I need some help. Cant ANYONE help me??". I looked arround again almost with tears in my eyes. Why were people laughing. Why wasnt anyone doing anything. One woman passed the old lady and explained to her why she couldnt help her get in the buss and went away. The old woman eventually got in the buss, by herself, probably with lots of pain. But it hurt me more. I was just watching. I can't blame finnish culture. I'm not even finnish.
We had a Christmas "party" at our school. There was a play made by the third year students. It was just mocking teachers really, but it wasn't in a bad way. The teachers were in the frontrow laughing! (btw our school has really weird teachers!!! but I like them in a weird way.) There was this competition where you needed to say a poem as fast as you can. I was one of the contestans. No one actually forced me.. hm, funny. I thought I had lost it.. really!! I thought that I hated performing to audiences. (Playing the piano doesnt count). I managed to go there without freezing. I was doing a really ass thing up there infront of everyone, but I went, right?
I hate spam! I got 73 the other night. I once replied a spam adress and actually got a reply back!!!
I thought I had a friend. We had so much fun and I was always looking foward to meet him, but one day he changed. He stopped talking to me. Then he stopped even looking at me.. I hadn't done anything. I spent days and days thinking what had gone wrong. If there would have been a movie of my life, I would have been the supporting actress. I guess he met better people. I dont know what happened, but it kind of sucks. I wish you could erase useless relationships. I wish there were an AA-club for people who've been addicted to friendships.
This post is full of really sucky posts, I hope you haven't lost your holiday spirit now. Maybe if it snowed i could pretend it would make things better. Tomorrow is a new day. Lets give him a chance shall we.
I need this here
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
-Jack Johnson
2 kommenttia:
Well, it is not the happiest Christmas post I have read but never mind. Yeah, people are quite unhelpful here too. It is an other proof for the fact that Hungarians and Finns are partly relatives.
You can find other friends but try to fix the problem with your old ones.
People don't help each other and laugh at them because of their misfortune for one reason: lulz.
But we won't go into that subject right now.
Anyway, about "useless friendships", I've felt that way many times, but I guess they're really not that useless after all. I mean, don't people learn from their mistakes? Lawl. Supposedly.
You just can't win 'em all.
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